I sat at my computer while tears rolled down the apples of my check. Is it OK for me to cry? Does it mean that I trust God less? Sometimes I feel sad that my child has Sickle Cell Disease and we have to go back and forth to the doctor. Sometimes I need added strength to get through the days when I want to forget that this disease even exists, but it does. Therefore, I cannot keep my mind on those thoughts for too long because life goes on.
I sat in my seat and said in the words of Reinhold Niebuhr, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Today my daughter had her first Transcranial Doppler Test (TCD). The test helps measure the blood flow in the brain, which gives doctors insight as to whether or not a stroke is imminent. *It is basically an ultrasound machine that detects the sound waves of blood vessels in a person’s brain. After spending the night in prayer, I was at peace this morning. I was fully aware that the test would not hurt my daughter and that she would be OK.
This morning my husband and I mentioned to our daughter that she had a doctors appointment and there would be a nurse taking pictures of her brain. She said “OK, of my brain?” in her high pitched voice. She seemed happy and content about it. Inside the ultrasound room she was calm and listened to the nurse introduce herself and watched her put on her purple gloves, and then she turned to me and picked up my hand and smiled as she laid down. I felt tranquility, her touch was comforting to me.
I turned to her and said, “This won’t hurt. Just be still.” The entire process reminded me of the ultrasounds I used to get when she was in my womb, but it was a little longer than expected because the technician had trouble seeing everything on her left side. Amazingly, my daughter was calm and patient the whole time and I could not believe how I had shed tears the night before.
My daughter is one of my heroes. She is strong and confident. She is brave, one of the bravest little girls I know. After we left the room, I told her, “Sweetie, you did a terrific job in there, I am so proud you.” Then she kissed me. Thank God for His peace.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”—Philippians 4:6-7 NKV
Resources *For more information about the TCD test and machine see “Hope and Destiny: The Patient and Parent’s Guide to Sickle Cell Disease and Sickle Cell Trait, revised 3rd edition pgs.87, 119-120, 132-33″
Pediatrics Official Journal of the Academy of Pediatrics published an article “Preventing Stroke Among Children With Sickle Cell Anemia: An Analysis of Strategies That Involve Transcranial Doppler Testing and Chronic Transfusion” that explains more regarding this subject.